thanksgiving guide

so its thanksgiving time again, and i thought i'd help out some of you guys who are new to this whole thing, or who are going to be eating dinner alone in your apartment. either way, don't make a thanksgiving faux-pas!

mayonnaise is not only a great condiment, but also makes a great sandwich on its own. give it a try.

baked pumpkin seeds are great, but who has the time? just throw those babies in a pot with some water, microwave a few times, and viola!

this time of year, its especially important to think of those not fortunate enough to have food to eat. that said, don't throw those broken tortilla chips at the bottom of the bag away. these can make a great meal if you aren't too picky.

eat as fast as possible. don't wait for anyone else to sit down and eat, you have other important shit to do. you didn't want anyones company anyway.

everyone loves dessert, especially popsicles, so you'd better buy two boxes from the store. then, eat one in the parking lot before going home. after you finish the second one, put the empty box back in the freezer.

guacamole and chips make a great appetizer, and its much cheaper and more rewarding to make your own guac. don't have all the ingredients? not to worry, all that other shit is just for show. just mash up an avocado in a bowl. your guests will love it.

holidays are about having fun, so maybe tell a joke or make a crude comment. for instance, my brother used this gem at a restaurant in california when we were kids - "do i have time to take a quick dump before the food comes?". feel free to put your own spin on this one. guaranteed crowd pleaser!

good luck!