Two articles in the newspaper today

Drumstick Sales Way Up, Reports Nestle
Local Wawa struggles to meet demand

The Nestle company, a leading provider of sweets, has announced today that its sales of Drumstick brand ice cream cones have increased by almost 75%. What is puzzling the company, however, is that all of these sales are limited to one Wawa store in Philadelphia. This has caused Nestle to make deliveries of the dessert two times each day to meet the high demand. Although the employee working the register when reporters visited would not comment as he was too busy whistling, there did not appear to be any customers buying the Drumsticks.

Nestle representatives said that the Drumstick has been a very popular item due to its perfectly engineered layers of chocolate and ice cream wrapped in a crunchy cone. Still, they said, sales have never been this good. "The only thing I could compare this to would be the great Ice Cream Freak visit of 2007", said representative Nicholas Anderstein.

The incident being referred to occurred in late summer last year on the Jersey Shore, when local ice cream vendors reported a 600% increase in sales over a two day period. This incident was widely attributed to a man locals called "The Ice Cream Freak".

Nestle is baffled, but excited by the increase in sales. "Its just incredible, Anderstein said, "I mean, who even eats ice cream in the winter?"



Man Not As Fun on Mondays and Tuesdays, Reports Roommate

Authorities were shocked at new allegations today that a local man is not as fun on Mondays and Tuesdays. The man in question, Stephen Saxton, lives in the Fairmount section of Philadelphia. Charges were brought against him in court today by his roommate, Andrew Defrance. Defrance claims that Saxton "bores him to death" on those nights of the week despite his best efforts to say or wear something funny.

"Seriously, I know he has schoolwork to do those nights, but its like he loses his sense of humor completely and doesn't listen to anything you say. Well, I guess that part is the same, but otherwise, its like I don't even know him." Saxton is also charged with listening to every song in his itunes folder and repeatedly patting himself on the back for making models for his architecture classes. "He is also usually shirtless", Defrance added.

"Yeah, its pretty much true", reported his long time girlfriend, who declined to give her name. "He acts all annoyed when I call him on those nights."

When asked to comment, Saxton said, after we repeated the question a few times, "Get over yourself".